Surviving Cancer

I welcomed year 2022 with open arms. 2021 was probably the worst year of my life. I received a second cancer diagnosis early in the year. The diagnosis came just over a year after I finished treatment for my first cancer diagnosis. I thought 2019 was the worst year of my life after receiving a breast cancer diagnosis at the age of 27. Boy, was I sorely mistaken. Somehow, 2021 out did 2019 with a very unexpected cancer diagnosis at the age of 30.

I started 2022 by having my 180 day post-transplant bone marrow biopsy. The procedure itself went as expected. When Thursday rolled around, I received some unexpected test results through MyChart. These results are automatically released, so I received this test result before speaking with my doctor or getting any sort of clarification or explanation. It read, and I quote, “the immunophenotypic findings are consistent with relapse of B-cell acute lymphoblastic leukemia.” It didn’t take but a second and the water works started. I am just shy of 6 months post-transplant, how could I be relapsing already? I was in shock. All of my worst fears were suddenly all too real. I was in a dark, dark place thinking the worst thing possible was happening. I thought I was dying. I really thought, this is the end. It’s honestly a feeling that cannot be put into words. It is the worst pain I have ever experienced, worse than any physical pain I have encountered in my life, to think that I would be leaving my husband and children behind. That I would miss my daughter and son, growing up.

Now, after relaying this information to Josh, I continued to sob for what seemed like forever. I finally had had enough, and made a call to my doctors office, stating that it was urgent that I get explanation of this current test result. Thankfully, within minutes I received a phone call from my doctor. He understood my urgency for explanation. Anyone who has had cancer can tell you that the word relapse is not friendly. My doctor spent 20 minutes on the phone with me going over everything I needed to know to put my mind more at ease. He explained to me that there were cancer cells found in my blood, but not enough to cause symptoms or problems. He reassured me that this doesn’t necessarily mean I have relapsed. In order to know that for certain, we had to wait for another test result that would look at my actual bone marrow. He gave me enough information to calm me down.

I received my bone marrow test results the following day. Again, through an automatic process, so I had not yet spoken with my doctor. These results read, and I quote, “No definitive morphologic or immunohistochemical evidence of acute leukemia.” Can I get a “Hell Ya”? This was the best possible outcome! It’s probably confusing to read because those words are HUGE, but it’s basically stating that they did not find cancer cells in my bone marrow. Therefore what I am experiencing is not relapse, but what’s called minimal residual disease or MRD. MRD is a small number of cancer cells that were left in my body after treatment. Undetected, these cells have the potential to multiply and cause relapse. In my case, it was caught early, and is not considered relapse. This MRD does mean more treatment, though.

It wasn’t long after reading the bone marrow results, that my doctor gave me another call. He said he didn’t want to leave this dangling over my head all weekend, which was just super sweet of him. So he called to make sure I understood the results and talked with me briefly about the plan moving forward. I will be undergoing CAR T cell therapy.

Now, this process gets confusing so I am going to copy and paste some information from the “American Cancer Society” website, cancer.org. “In CAR T-cell therapies, T cells are taken from the patient’s blood and are changed in the lab by adding a gene for a man-made receptor (called a chimeric antigen receptor or CAR). This helps them better identify specific cancer cell antigens. The CAR T cells are then given back to the patient.”

The process to alter and grow more CAR T cells can take weeks, but once they are ready I will be admitted to the hospital to start this treatment. It will start with some less harsh chemotherapy to kill some cells in order to make room for the new CAR T cells. They apparently also have like “off the shelf” CAR T cells already made and ready to go. I do not know for sure which T cells I will be receiving, at this point. I will know more details come Monday when I meet with my doctor to discuss my biopsy test results in detail, and also nail down a plan moving forward.

To have this therapy is not emergent, but my doctor said, it’s also not something we want to sit on for a while. Which, I completely agree, the sooner I can do this, the better. I’m sick of cancer, I’m sick of treatment, I’m sick of ALL OF IT! There has to be an end in sight, because I don’t know how much more I can handle. Without the support and help from my family, Josh’s family, and the unconditional love from my kids, I never would have made it this far. I NEED to live, for my kids. This cannot be how my story ends.

2021 was so difficult for me. I was in a very dark place much of the year. I pray I can do this treatment and take care of cancer, once and for all. To my fellow followers, if you are the praying type, at all, please lift me up in prayer. I hate to continue to ask for help, but I need all of the prayers I can get.

I NEED to beat this.