Surviving Cancer

Truth is, life after cancer is HARD. I thought my battles with cancer would be my HARD. Boy, was I mistaken. There are so many amazing organizations that are around to help those going through cancer treatment. Believe me, I exhausted all of them at one point or another. Battling cancer is unbelievably hard in every way you can imagine, and those organizations helped to make it a little less hard. Whether through financial help, grocery help, daycare help, which I have received each of, others can SEE the struggle.

When people see me now, I look good and healthy, but that doesn’t mean that I am doing good. There are not a lot of resources to help young families, like mine, navigate life after cancer or “life in remission.” One of the only things I have done for myself to help get me back to living my life is therapy. Due to the fact that I received all of my cancer treatment for Leukemia in Minneapolis, that is where the support groups are held.

My mental health is unbelievably fragile. I am suprisingly optimistic and genrally have a positive outlook on life. But if one thing changes, shifts, or goes wrong I almost instantly spiral out of control. I was so strong for so long fighting cancer, I don’t have a lot of fight left in me. You may ask, what am I still fighting? I am in remission – technically cancer free at the moment, what could be bad about that?

The real question is, how can I keep going, how can I keep fighting, just to live. Everything in our life right now is a struggle. Both my husband and I suffer from a fragile mental state at all times. We dreamed and prayed relentlessly for the things we now have. We prayed for a home of our own and we are going into our 4th year of owning our home, and we are being crushed by our mortgage. Financially, we are in a deep hole where only a small amount light is visible, and we continue to be crushed by the weight of bills, living necessities, debt, and just the cost of everyday living.

I work what I can and Josh works tirelessly to try and help us get to a better place but we both still feel like I our heads are underwater and only once in a while are we able to come up for a breath of air.

These days, I don’t have much to write about. Writing this makes me feel like I am whining and complaining, or looking for pity. Neither of which are true. The truth is, life after cancer is messy. Life after cancer as a young mother with two young kids seems impossible at times. We are often left feeling discouraged, helpless, and hopeless. The only thing getting us through is knowing that our Lord and Savior has a plan for us. A plan so divine and so intricately designed that we can hold onto the idea of eventually getting somewhere better. We still seek His will in all we do, but the light is dim.

We pray and trudge forward with the little energy and fight we have left. After YEARS of fighting hard just to stay alive, I have to admit, my fight is dwindling and I don’t have much left to give.

Please pray for us.

When the righteous cry for help, the LORD hears and delivers them out of their troubles. The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:17-18