Surviving Cancer

This is a testament to resilience and strength as Josh and I navigate the complex emotions of life after facing cancer. Our journey requires tremendous courage and the ability to transform fear into hope. By embracing each new day with gratitude, we continue to find ways to celebrate our victories, however small, and work to reconnect with our passions and relationships. It’s a significant journey of healing where every step taken is a reminder that life still holds beauty and joy, even after the darkness we have experienced and walked through.

I know I have touched on remission before, but so many things have come up recently that I just feel it’s worth touching on again. I will never be “me without cancer” ever again. And really that goes for anyone who has ever had a life-altering cancer diagnosis. I have to relearn so many things now that I am in remission. I am finally cancer free and finished with any and all forms of treatment for cancer, including medication. I mean PRAISE God, right?!?! I don’t think anyone could be happier about that fact, than me. But that doesn’t mean that I go back to being the “me before cancer.”

I have all new limits and rules that I am forced to follow when it comes to my body and being a functional adult/parent. I have a set amount of energy for the day. and when it’s gone it is gone. It doesn’t regenerate with a quick nap or a caffeinated beverage. I can’t do too much early in the day or I won’t be able to get through the entire day as a functioning adult/parent. On the days when I have to tackle a task early in the day the kids might get something like cereal for their meals and their entertainment for the day will be screen-time. That isn’t fair to my kids or myself. Sure, those days still happen and probably more frequently than I would like to admit, but also, likely more frequently than the average parent.

In order to prevent that type of situation from occurring too much, I have to ration my energy every single day. Some days are better than others. There are a lot of factors that contribute to my energy amount. Sleep is a big factor; most nights I don’t sleep well; I rarely feel rested after a nights sleep. My energy limits are different day-to-day. It’s definitely an imperfect process. Thankfully, I have family close by that can regularly help me out with certain thing’s. I don’t want my kids to miss out on being in activities. Their practices are in the evenings like expected, but by that time in the day I am usually done for. I’ve had to call on family to help get them to and from their activities on a fairly regular occasion. This is only one example of how I regularly call on family to help because of my “me after cancer” physical limits.

The part that I hate the most is that my top priorities are very few because of these limits, so other aspects of my life sort of fall off the list all together. The bulk of my energy goes to my kids and my job. And to be honest, some days, I don’t even have enough energy to do both. Maintaining friendships and relationships is one of those things that I had to sacrifice; a realization I just recently made. Friendships in my life are non-existent in the sense that I don’t regularly talk to friends or meet up with friends. Even some family relationships have been neglected due to this. I have kind of just accepted the fact that my house will always be messy, the laundry will remain unfolded, and that I will have to make sacrifices on the daily, just to remain a functional adult/parent.

Upon rejoining the workforce after cancer, I dove head first into a full-time, 40 hour work-week job. After the extensive training was complete, I lasted but a month before it became too much. I found a job that had a 32 hour work week and really thought it would be manageable. I lasted about 6 months before I had to cut my hours again because I wasn’t keeping up. After a lot of trial and error, I finally landed on a manageable number, 16 hours a week. With the other obligations of life, 16 hours a week is how much I can manage.

Going through cancer treatment was so hard. Now, Josh and I are finding out how hard life is after cancer. We are still in survival mode. With me being unable to work full-time, Josh needs to pick up the slack in order to keep us sheltered and fed. He has to work a lot, and in turn often leaves me to care for the kids and home life, alone. It is a hard life; but it’s still a life. We continue to count our many blessings and strive to make a good life for our kids and ourselves.