Surviving Cancer

Recovery from chemo has been going well. I have gained back some energy, but still find days where I am more tired. I am finding it difficult to know whether I should listen to my body and rest, or if the fatigue should be worked through and not given into. I have been seriously neglecting the gym and need to get back into a routine. I am hoping this month I will find the motivation and the energy to go more often.

On my last day of chemo I also did a chest x-ray due to some rib pain that I had been experiencing. Pain anywhere is definitely concerning for me now. Every little ache or twinge of pain sends me into a spiral of uncontrollable, negative thoughts. Being BRCA1 positive raises my risks exponentially for getting more cancer. So I automatically fear the worst. I hope going to see a therapist at the end of this month will help calm my fears. The chest x-ray came back normal, thank goodness.

I find my self a little lost in life right now. I have more energy to do things but I don’t quite know what things I should do. I am not quite in a spot where rejoining the workforce is a good option. I am still in recovery mode and also have a couple scheduled surgeries this spring. So what does one do with their time? Totally open to suggestions!

It’s official. Josh and I made a very important, and difficult decision since finishing chemo. It’s on the calendar and scheduled; I will be having a total hysterectomy with bilateral salpingo-oopherectomy. Or in other words I will be having my uterus, cervix, fallopian tubes, and ovaries removed. The thought of being put into menopause at the ripe old age of 29 is not ideal, getting another cancer is even less ideal, so I chose the latter. Having this surgery will not completely take away my chances of getting another cancer but it greatly decreases my chances.

We had questioned whether having another baby was an option for us. We certainly aren’t ready now, but wanted to know if in the future it would be possible. The option and possibility were there, but the conditions were not right. To safely conceive and carry a child, it was recommended to wait at least, 3-5 years. Becoming pregnant also brings a lot of hormones, which, as you all know, is something my cancer feeds off of. Josh and I decided together, that the risk was just too great. Down the road I think we definitely would have considered a third child, but we have two beautiful and perfect children, and if we so choose, we can always adopt. It is a little sad that this decision was in some ways taken away from us. But we take comfort in knowing that my risks of getting another cancer will be decreased by so much after having this surgery.

May 6th is date of my surgeries. On this day I will undergo the surgery mentioned above but I will also be getting my reconstruction surgery done at the same time. I will be having fat grafting done as well. My plastic surgeon will liposuction fat from my abdomen and place it into my chest. This surgery is more cosmetic. As right now, I have a lot of rippling in my implants. My surgeon will also be evening them out and making them look a bit more real and symmetrical. Maybe not important to some, but in order to be a smidge closer to having a normal life and body image, I need this.

I am also starting hormone therapy. I will be on an oral medication to block my body from producing hormones for the next 10 years. I am certainly not looking forward to the potential side effects of taking this medication and being put into surgical menopause after my surgery, but I have to do it. If I want to ensure the best possible chance that I will be around for many years to come, I have no choice. I will take whatever side effects are thrown at me if it means more time and more memories with my kids.

On a side note, the hair on my head seems to be coming in quite nice, but I still lack eyebrows and eye lashes. My insomnia has dissipated and Josh and I can finally sleep in the same bed again. Somehow, the entire family caught influenza except me. I pray it stays that way. I have not gotten any sicknesses or illnesses recently, and it is just another reminder of how much I have to be thankful for.